Mike's Sketches

Stupid Einstein

Setting:† Its a perfect Saturday afternoon in suberbia USA.† The sun is out and not a cloud in the sky, one of those days you always dream about especially as a kid looking for mischief.† Bobby is excited for this very reason; heís upstairs in his room putting his tennis shoes on and getting ready to go out.† He finishes tying them and runs out of his room and down the stairs headed for the front door just inches away.


Bobby:† Bye Mom, Iím going to play with Chris, Iíll be back for dinner.


Mom:† Hold it right there Mister, where do you think your going?


Bobby: I just told you!


Mom: Oh yeah.† Well you canít! Youíve got chores to do.


Bobby: No I donít, I woke up early and did them all this morning.


Mom:† Well maybe so, but† you promised Grandpa youíd help him learn how to use the computer today.† (Camera shot opens to show Grandpa, who is Albert Einstein, standing next to Mom. Heís kind of looking around like they arenít talking about him because he is obviously embarrassed)


Bobby: (huge sigh)† Right now?


Mom: Yes right now.†


Bobby: Fine.† Come on Grandpa lets go into the den.


They walk in and begin to set up chairs in front of the computer that sits on a desk.


Einstein: Iím sorry Bobby, I know youíd like to be out solving differential equations with your friends.† This means a lot to me.


Bobby:† Whatever.† Alright to turn it on you just push this button right here.


Einstein:† Hold on a second, let me write this down (pulls out pad and paper).


Bobby: Great this is going to take forever (to himself)


Einstein: Now does the force used make a difference?


Bobby: No, just push it.


Einstein:† Okay (rigidly pushes the button and the computer begins to start up)


Bobby: While its getting started lets go over the basics. Now this is the mouse, do you know what it does?


Einstein: (looks sad and shakes his head)


Bobby: When you move it, it makes the curser on the screen move the same direction, like this (demonstrating)


Einstein: Oh so its converts linear movement into electrical signals and then back into two dimensional translations.


Bobby: Something like that


Einstein: You know this reminds me of single string Laplace Transforms...to the second degree of course, but then youíd would have to neglect the integrated constant coef---


Bobby: (interrupting) This is the keyboard, do you know what it does?


Einstein: (shakes head)


Bobby: It types these letters onto the screen


Einstein: An electronic typewriter, fascinating (scribbling down on his pad)


Bobby: Alright the computer is ready (Einstein checks pocket watch and writes down time).† Okay this is the desktop, its like...um... home


Einstein: Germany?


Bobby: No, in the computer its like home


Einstein: I should hope I donít have to flee this home because of the Nazis as well (trying to make a joke)


Bobby: (totally not amused)† Yeah, so anyway, these are your icons on the desktop, if you click the mouse twice on them you will open that program.† Down here we have the toolbar where you can see all the windows that you have open.† On the far left side of the toolbar there is the start menu that shortcuts you to certain programs and documents and you can search for stuff there too.† Any questions so far?


Einstein:† Whatís the ďinternetĒ?


Mom: (interjecting)† Howís everything going?


Bobby: Can I talk to you in the kitchen really quick?


Bobby gets up and goes to the kitchen with Mom and they are overheard arguing and name calling.† Grandpa meanwhile gets on the computer and is playing with the mouse.† Bobby comes back frustrated.


Bobby: Alright so where were we?† Hey whatís wrong the with computer?† What did you do Grandpa?


Einstein:† I thought I would be on of you hip beatniks and do some recycling (snaps his fingers)


Bobby: Great you threw away the entire hard drive, now Iím going to have to reboot the whole system.† Iím going to be here all day.† Grandpa, what do you even want to use the computer for anyways?


Einstein: For watching new pornographic films, Iím going tired of my old flipbooks.† Bobby do you know about the birds and the bees.† Here, I will show you using simple third dimensional physics.


Bobby:† Could this day get any worse


Scene cuts and Bobby wakes up in a cold sweet in his bed.


Bobby: It was all just a dream, but just to be safe Iíll never show Grandpa how to do anything ever.




Note: It could be longer with more confusion between the master of relativity and a ten year old boy, but I kept it short for starters just for times sake.† I hope the idea is conveyed correctly none the less.