Physics and Football
(A young boy sketches bad drawings of football players and what not amid a class full of dutiful students. He scribbles angrily over an especially bad drawing of a very scrawny looking football player. A young teacher approaches the boy and looks over his shoulder.)
Mr. Galapagos (jokingly):
“Hey Al, that doesn’t look like any homework I assigned.”
Al (startled):
“Oh, sorry Mr. Galapagos…I’m just a bit distracted today.”
Mr. Galapagos:
“Well what seems to be on your mind?”
Al:
“It’s just, football tryouts are this weekend, and I really want to get on the team! But you know I’m just so…?”
Mr. Galapagos:
“Scrawny? Puny? Miniature? The size of a Toy Poodle?”
Al:
“Yeah, well I was just going to say small, but you got the point. Anyway, so I have no idea how I’ll ever get on the team.”
Mr. Galapagos:
“You know, I think I can help you out. Why don’t you come see me after class and we’ll see what I can do.”
Al (elated):
“Thanks Mr. Galapagos! You’re the best!”
(Cut to Mr. Galapagos and Al working over the teacher’s desk in the now empty class. They mouth to each other as Mr. Galapagos draws various physics diagrams on the chalk board. Al narrates over the scene.)
Al (Narration):
“I stayed after with Mr. Galapagos and he revealed to me the amazing world of Physics! It was a little difficult to understand at first but after a while I caught on and we came up with the perfect plan to get me onto the football team!”
(Cut to the football field. Al is suited up in pads and what not and sits on the bench holding his helmet, a calculator, and a pad of paper. A coach approaches him holding a clip board.)
The Coach:
“Ok, Einstein get on the field!”
(Al runs out onto the field and sets himself opposite a line of very large linebackers. He puts on his helmet and pulls out the pad of paper and calculator.)
Al (inner monologue):
“Ok Mr. Galapagos, let’s see if this works…carry the five…adding in the trajectory…given the time constant of resistance…and….”
From the Group of Linebackers:
“Hut…hut…Hike!”
Al (out loud):
“I’ve got it!”
(Cut to stock footage of atomic explosion. When we see the field again Al is the only player left. A football falls from the air with a severed hand still attached and Al catches it. He turns to the sidelines and gives a big thumbs up.)
Al (inner monologue):
“Thanks Mr. Galapagos!”
(On the sidelines we see Mr. Galapagos eating a hot dog and returning the sentiment with a big cheesy thumbs up. Cut to a shot of a newspaper headline which reads “Young Genius, Albert Einstein, Splits Atom and Makes Football Team!”)
END