Characters: 2M, 4F
Special Clothing: (M) CHUCK: NIGHT CLUB ATTIRE, CLARK KENT GLASSES. (M) STEVE: NIGHT CLUB ATTIRE. (F) JANET: NIGHT CLUB ATTIRE. (F) SUSAN: NIGHT CLUB ATTIRE. (F) ROXY: NIGHT CLUB ATTIRE. (F) FEMALE VOICE: N/A (V.O.)
Description: With a result similar to Pavlovian Response, character CHUCK has the ability to study a woman for a single moment and speak a word or words that produce(s) a near orgasmic reaction from said female subject.
Hear the sound of party music playing.
INT: NIGHT CLUB/BAR
Camera pans to show people dancing, some at the bar enjoying a cocktail – including JANET, SUSAN, and ROXY. Camera pans to entrance where STEVE and CHUCK stand.
FEMALE VOICE (V.O.)
Chuck the Lady Specialist will prove once again why women can’t resist his verbal touch.
Hi everybody. It’s me again, Chuck Rose.
Hi Chuck. I’ve been watching your show religiously for the past five seasons, and I still don’t know how you do it. It takes me hours and most of the money in my wallet to accomplish what you can do in only seconds.
Well my friend – who I might add, has done one too many infomercials – tonight I have arranged it so we can take our show on the road, to show them viewers up close and personal, how I exploit the female psyche. Take any one of these lovely women for example. As I have explained before, it’s as simple as finding the ladybird’s trigger.
That’s what I don’t get Chuck. You say that every woman has her trigger words. One to four words that literally produce a reaction much like an aphrodisiac. Number one, it’s amazing to think you can indulge a woman with a few simple words. And two, how can you find those words amid the millions that make up a language like English?
(tired of STEVE already)
It’s easy Steve. I was born with a gift. You might say, ‘well, how do I acquire the skills you exhibit with the women folk’? And in retort I might say something like, ‘no chance in hell’, but ain’t it fun to watch? Now take this woman for instance.
(CHUCK snaps his fingers. The women in front of him – JANET, SUSAN, and ROXY who were frozen up to this point, animate and are chatting away. CHUCK studies JANET for a moment)
Turkey Pot Pie
(Suddenly, JANET undergoes a quivering that rocks her body. It appears as if she’s having a seizure. JANET moans out loud in ecstasy)
Go to the car. It’s the red Buick with the dent in the front left fender.
(watching the woman leave)
My God. That’s unbelievable.
Hold on son. I’m in a zone.
(CHUCK walks over to the SUSAN and studies her a moment. He chuckles to himself)
(SUSAN reacts the very way the first woman reacted)
You see the red head that just left?
Chuck! You’re abilities never cease to amaze me. You’ve got me so fired up! Just being here with the master gives me newfound confidence. Let me have a crack at it!
Hey man, have at it.
(STEVE studies ROXY. She smiles slightly under the scrutiny)
Uh, Nocturnal Leak.
(looking at STEVE as though he might be retarded, leans in close to STEVE)
Maybe you should see a doctor about that.
(turns back to sip her drink)
Damn Chuck, help me man.
(Takes only an instant to study ROXY)
(ROXY’S reactions are the most provocative yet. She moans and shakes as if near orgasmic climax)
Old Buick, busted fender, two broads waitin’ for you.
(ROXY exits in haste)
That’s all there is to it. Join us next week with Chuck Rose’s fondest memories. We’ll showcase some of my favorite hook ups, and the crazy trigger words that landed me in exclusive company with these females. Oh damn, is that a one-word-woman I see! Excuse me. Papa’s getting’ a home cooked meal tonight.