Build them Up and Knock-Em Down
(Two Construction workers are mulling over a job site obviously taking one of their many breaks. They stand opposed to each other wearing toolbelts and hard hats while in the middle of an apparently heated discussion)
Phil:
“I would have to say the single most important piece of literature concerning the morals and doctrines of the modern world is clearly the Ten Commandments!”
Bob:
“Phillip I would definitely have to say that I contest that claim and actually I am shocked that you continue to prescribe to such dated notions. If you had any sense you would already know that the Ten Commandments is simply an abridged version of the Babylonian guide to life known as the Code of Hummurabi!”
Phil:
“My dear God Robert I simply cannot believe you’ve jumped the bandwagon like all the other philistines in…”
Bob (Interrupting Phil):
“Shhhh…wait…there’s a lady coming….(changing tone as a woman in a business suit passes in front of them)…Hey Phil check out this pretty little thing strutting down the street!”
Phil (Having a bit of trouble changing tone):
“Yeah, I’d…sure like a piece of that…sweet hiney…I mean uh ass!”
(Bob and Phil continue to hoot, holler, and make remarks as the woman passes by utterly disgusted)
Bob:
“Phew…that was a close one, but come on man…hiney? You need practice!”
Phil:
“Yeah yeah I know, but where were we…oh yes it just astonishes me that you are ready to automatically make the giant leap that the Babylonians had anything to do with the drafting of the New Testa…oh crap here comes another one!”
(As a woman approaches both Bob and Phil yank a bottle of beer out of the back of their tool belts and take a large drink. Again they change their tone.)
Bob:
“Whew yeah! Now that bruskie hit the spot! Oh my, what is this? A fine looking specimen of pure hotness has wandered into the woods!!”
Phil:
“Hey baby in case you didn’t know I’m chunky peanut butter and by taking a look at your back side I can tell you are a super fine jar of jelly! So why don’t we come together and make a sloppy-sloppy sandwich!”
(More hooting and hollering of a grander scale follows until the lady is completely out of site. At which point both Phil and Bob chuck the beers of screen and pull out a bottle of spring water and gargle)
Phil (spitting):
“Ugh I can’t stand beer…it tastes like the back of a diseased raccoon!”
Bob (also spitting):
“I completely agree…hey by the way very nice one with the whole sandwich deal! Did you just write that one?”
Phil:
“Actually you know that was pure improv. Uh-oh here comes the boss.”
(A quite attractive woman dressed in the same outfit as Bob and Phil walks in carrying a clip board. She approaches Bob and Phil and begins to tap her foot with her hands at her sides. There is an uncomfortable silence.)
Linda:
“So I’ve received a few complaints from the job site, would you two have any idea what it could be about?”
Phil:
“No ma’am, we’ve just been minding our business and admiring the scenery…”
Bob:
“Yeah you know, just people-watching on our break!”
Linda:
“That’s not what I hear, apparently a certain two men have been making quite a commotion over a very inappropriate subject matter. Don’t think I didn’t hear you two arguing over the origins of modern ethics and morals.”
Bob:
“I have no idea what…”
Linda:
“Now don’t you play dumb with me! You know that ever since Henderson ran out crying in the middle of a heated discussion over International Tort law that there are no, I repeat no, sociopolitical debates on the job site. Do you hear me?”
Bob and Phil (dejected):
“Yes ma’am.”
Linda:
“Good now get back to work and save the debating for the Men’s Room!”
(Another attractive business woman walks by and Phil and Bob hoot, holler, and carry on louder than ever before. Linda looks on in satisfaction.)
Linda:
“Now that’s what I want to see!”
END