Characters: 8-16 M* ††††††††††††††††††††††† *Women can be interspersed, but majority should be men.
Special Clothing: (M) WARRIORS: TRIBAL/CLAN RAGS, WOODEN STAVES, CLUBS, SWORDS, SHIELDS. BAREFOOT. (M) PRESENT-DAY CIVILIAN: BLACK TEE SHIRT, LIGHT JACKET, MATCHING KHAKIS, POLISHED SHOES.
Description: Battlefield where two sides of feuding warriors are staring each other down. Deep guttural British or Scottish accents. A line runs down the center of the battlefield and two opposing leaders stand near the line, each on his own side.
See and hear shouting between the two opposing armies.
EXT: BATTLEFIELD Ė MEDIEVAL DAY
Two leaders step out to face one another. The armies behind them draw closer together and cease banter.
Get your stinking filth off our lands, or weíll set on ya like a harsh winter!
(many growls of approval from WEST)
And I to you cast the same demand, plague on mine eyes. This land be ours upon me fatherís soul!
(many growls of approval from EAST)
I soil between the stones of your fatherís grave!
(The two leaders draw their swords and the two armies prepare to converge, when suddenly PRESENT-DAY CIVILIAN steps between them, cell phone to his ear)
Can you hear me now? Good.
(The two armies raise a battle cry and begin bludgeoning to death, PRESENT-DAY CIVILIAN)
Iím gonna have to call you back.
(PRESENT-DAY CIVILIAN has been killed. His body lay in a bloody heap)
My overwhelming bloodlust has been strangely satisfied.
Aye, mine as well.
Itís getting late.
Aye, see you tomorrow at church then?
(The two armies part, spirits high, feuds forgotten)